Tuesday, April 20, 2010

So This One Time, At the Mall…

This past weekend, the S.O. and I went ring shopping (squee!!). You know how malls are all packed to the gills with crap you don't need, and like, 12 million jewelry stores? Well, this one was no exception. We popped into the first jewelry store we saw. Jewelry salespeople are like vultures: they see the innocent carrion and they hover and circle until their pray makes eye contact.

We were in the store for about 20 seconds and BLAM! Weasel-Stalker-Guy pounced. He was one of those skinny, pale, greasy guys who thought his quasi-Hitler mustache was attractive. 

OK, now I understand that salespeople work on commission, and I understand that you have to be persuasive and forceful in order to make a sale. But there is an invisible line that must not be crossed, no matter how badly you want a sale. I'm talking about Mall Stalking. 

Its one thing to be weasel-y and pushy. It's quite another to become a weasel-y and pushy stalker. 

The S.O. and I decided we didn't like this jewelry store's offerings, we said we were still looking, and moved on. Weasel-Stalker-Guy followed.


I only wish I was joking. I didn't notice until the S.O. pointed it out, 3 stores in. 

S.O.: "That salesguy is following us."    

Me: "Who?" 

S.O.: "The guy from the first store. He's, like, followed us to every jewelry store."

Me: "No way! I don't even remember what he looks like." 

I turned and looked back to the store we'd just left and sure enough, that smarmy fuck oozed his way around the corner, glanced at us, and preceded to chat up the salesguy we'd just left. WTF. Who does that?! Why us?! Does anyone else have problems with similar Weasel-Stalker-Guys?! Seriously!!

I start panicking and acting sketchy myself, thinking I did something wrong and Weasel-Stalker-Guy is going around warning the other jewelry salespeople that my S.O. and me are horrible people who like fucking with salespeople. And we don't buy. If he was trying to convince us to go back to his store and buy his crappy stuff, he was going about it the wrong way. 

So I'm panicking, and looking behind me at the Weasel-Stalker-Guy and he catches me looking at him, and looks guilty. The S.O. is gallantly going ahead with looking at rings, I'm freaking out because we have a fucking Weasel-Stalker-Guy in a MALL and I have to pee. Just great.

It was at that moment I took out my level 264 staff with +788 spellpower and beat Weasel-Stalker-Guy to death in the middle of the mall. 

I just lied again. 

It was only +600 to spellpower. 
Sue me.

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