Thursday, April 22, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
I decided I'm going to be Bubba from Forrest Gump. Everyone needs a friend with a shrimp fetish.
i see my shrimp fetish has made you distant and cold towards me.
well if that's how you're going to be about it, i'm going to send you buckets of shrimp to your house.
and leave shrimp poop on your pillows
and give you shrimp AIDS!
you know how dirty those fucking prawns are
Brian Peppers Time!
i don't need you
or your speed
did someone say speed?!
are you off diddling Brian Peppers?
If so, type 1
If not, type "I love bleu cheese made from vagina yeast"
Jesus hates prawns
Jesus hates prawns time a million.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
- You say stupid, incoherent, grammatically incorrect things like, "I got spider-bit in my pant area," and other classics.
- You get Christmas and/or Thank You cards from the local high school varsity football team.
- People call you by different names.
- You're often mistaken for Amy Winehouse.
You bathe in public fountains.
You have a shopping cart. It's named Bruce.
- When you wake up (where-ever you are) there is loose coinage sprinkled around you. Also, feeling like P-Diddy.
- You know the doctor at your free clinic on a first-name basis.
You insist upon wearing garish red clown-lipstick everywhere you go.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
I'd like to open this blog with a discussion about Vaginas.
While most girls I know have quaintly named their Vag something dopey like "Betty" or, in an effort to be pathetically sexy, "Kitty", I have proudly named mine Rancor.
If you men knew what a pain in the vagina having a vagina is, you wouldn't be so keen in trying to have sex with one. I mean really: they aren't pretty. A lot of women I know are always spouting crappy slogans like, "Power to the Pussy" and shit like that. Like their flappy vag is something to which people should kow-tow. I claim shenanigans.
I think vagina=vacuous waste of time where people pour time and energy to result in more time and energy wasted in trying to stop thinking about said vagina. I think it's a practical joke on God's part.
Insert inappropriate joke here:
Q:Why do women get their periods?
A: Because they fucking deserve it.
However, we do have the best way to smuggle things across state/country lines. What would you smuggle if you had Nature's Pocket? I'd try to fit in the entire Twilight series up there, just so I can write a disturbing letter to Stephanie Meyer about how I crammed her entire crappy story up my cooter. Win? I think yes. Epix win.