Friday, April 2, 2010

My Vagina

In an attempt to discipline myself as a writer, I thought it would serve my best interest if I began a blog to practice my mad-fatty writing skills. Also, to stop the maddening thoughts from clogging up my neural functions so I can think linearly. Ha. I figured it'd be best if I started out with a bang, so the rest of this journey can be downhill from here: just like life! :D
I'd like to open this blog with a discussion about Vaginas. 

While most girls I know have quaintly named their Vag something dopey like "Betty" or, in an effort to be pathetically sexy, "Kitty", I have proudly named mine Rancor.

If you men knew what a pain in the vagina having a vagina is, you wouldn't be so keen in trying to have sex with one. I mean really: they aren't pretty. A lot of women I know are always spouting crappy slogans like, "Power to the Pussy" and shit like that. Like their flappy vag is something to which people should kow-tow. I claim shenanigans. 

I think vagina=vacuous waste of time where people pour time and energy to result in more time and energy wasted in trying to stop thinking about said vagina. I think it's a practical joke on God's part. 

Insert inappropriate joke here: 

Q:Why do women get their periods? 

A: Because they fucking deserve it. 

However, we do have the best way to smuggle things across state/country lines. What would you smuggle if you had Nature's Pocket? I'd try to fit in the entire Twilight series up there, just so I can write a disturbing letter to Stephanie Meyer about how I crammed her entire crappy story up my cooter. Win? I think yes. Epix win.

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